


save as draft

by followsrabbit



Category: SKAM (TV)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-30
Updated: 2017-06-30
Packaged: 2018-11-21 08:56:01
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,014
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11354109
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/followsrabbit/pseuds/followsrabbit
Summary: William understands why Noora left. He just wishes that she'd said something. That she'd say anything.(Emails that William and Noora wrote but never sent.)





	1. Dear Noora

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Emails William wrote but never sent from London.

_"Where you used to be, there is a hole in the world, which I find myself constantly walking around in the daytime, and falling in at night. I miss you like hell."_

-Edna St. Vincent Millay

* * *

From: William Magnusson  
To: Noora Amalie Sætre

_Unsent_

Your things are gone. You’re gone. You just left, Noora, _why_   

* * *

From: William Magnusson  
To: Noora Amalie Sætre

_Unsent_

I’m not going to insult either of our intelligence by asking why you left. Just say—just say something. Or write something. Anything. Fucking hell, send a carrier pigeon. Call, text, email, just tell me you’re okay, Noora, that you don’t hate me, that you’re coming back, that you want me to come after you, say something.

Say we’re still together.

* * *

From: William Magnusson  
To: Noora Amalie Sætre

 _Unsent_  

I talked to Chris today. He saw you out with Eva last night, but you already know that. ~~How fucking messed up is it that I’m pissed at my best friend right now for seeing you when I can’t.~~ He said you looked good but seemed sad. I’m not arrogant enough to assume that sadness is because of me or us. You’ve been sad for a while. We both have. 

I hope you’re getting happier. ~~I hope you miss me like hell~~. I hope you don’t feel like I do right now. I’m selfish and I love you and I want you to miss me like I miss you, but 

Tell me that you’re happy, Noora. Tell me that you miss me. Tell me anything.

* * *

From: William Magnusson  
To: Noora Amalie Sætre

 _Unsent_  

I understand why you left. What Nikko did to you—I can barely look at myself either, knowing that my brother hurt you like that. Violated you like that. Fucked with your mind and photographed your body like that. You’re in pain because of him, and he targeted you because of me.

It’s my fault. My brother, my family, my fucking fault.

I tried to give you space. The trial made it pretty clear that you don’t want to talk about it, not to me, and I respect that. I can give you that.

Did you leave because it wasn’t enough space? Too much? What did you want me to do, Noora, what can I do? 

I can’t make this better. 

* * *

From: William Magnusson  
To: Noora Amalie Sætre

_Unsent_

I think about buying a plane ticket to Oslo every day. I add it to my cart, and I stare at it, and

I’ll give up if you want me to, Noora, even though it’s killing me. I won’t be the stalker ex who can’t take a hint. I’m not that guy.

But I guess leaving without a word is less of a hint than a headline.

* * *

From: William Magnusson  
To: Noora Amalie Sætre

_Unsent_

~~~~I drank so much last night that I almost called you. Lucky that my phone died, isn’t it?

* * *

From: William Magnusson

To: Noora Amalie Sætre

_Unsent_

Merry Christmas, Noora 

* * *

 From: William Magnusson  
To: Noora Amalie Sætre

_Unsent_

I didn't kiss anyone last night. Say that you didn't either.

Happy New Year, Noora.

* * *

From: William Magnusson  
To: Noora Amalie Sætre

_Unsent_

I turned twenty today. Some guys from work took me out to a bar near the office, then to a club that you would have hated. They took my phone so that I’d stop looking for calls, texts, emails from you. So that I wouldn’t call, text, or email you.

You didn’t call over Christmas. I don’t know why I thought you would today.

I would rather have been at home with you. 

* * *

From: William Magnusson  
To: Noora Amalie Sætre

_Unsent_

Chris says that Eva says you haven’t dated anyone else. Haven’t even looked at anyone else.

Tell me it’s because of us.

* * *

From: William Magnusson  
To: Noora Amalie Sætre

_Unsent_

How fucked up is it that writing emails to you, ones that I already know I’ll never send, is the only way I’m staying sane?

~~How fucked up am I for hoping you do the same~~

* * *

From: William Magnusson  
To: Noora Amalie Sætre

_Unsent_

I hate our flat. I hate that it’s not our flat anymore. It’s been months, and you’re still everywhere, even though you didn’t leave one damn thing behind.

I hate a lot of things right now.

* * *

From: William Magnusson  
To: Noora Amalie Sætre 

_Unsent_

I went on a date tonight. It felt like a betrayal, even though you left months ago and haven’t said a word to me since.

My dad set it up—it’s apparently “good for the company” if I charm her, date her. He thinks it will be good for me too. Fuck, maybe he’s right. He’s not right. This isn’t helping. Setting me up on a date with a girl with hair as light as yours, eyes as green as yours, lips as red as yours—

It’s fucking cruel. Because she isn’t you. He wants me to find another pretty blonde and forget you, like _that’s_ what I miss about you. How pretty you are.

He’s finally paying attention to me, and he doesn’t see a damn thing.

I miss the way you smile at me, the way you roll your eyes at me, the way you see me, the way you sing, the way your eyes narrow when you write. Your voice, your laugh, your lavender lotion, your passion, your integrity, your fucking vegetables.

It's pointless, trying put all the reasons I miss you into words. I'm not a good enough writer.

Anyway. I just wanted to tell you that I'm dating someone else. Felt like you should know that. You should know that I’m furious about it. I’m furious about everything right now. I’m furious at my dad for thinking this will make things better, I’m furious at my date for not being you, and I’m furious at myself for letting Nikko hurt you.

I don’t want to be furious at you, but I am a bit. I know I shouldn’t be, but—fuck, Noora, you didn’t say anything, you _still_ haven’t said anything— 

* * *

From: William Magnusson  
To: Noora Amalie Sætre

_Unsent_

I’m not dating her anymore. I’m not dating anyone. She wanted to see my flat one night after dinner, so I took her here, and she sat down in that one chair that you always read in, and  
  
Yeah. We’re not dating anymore. Thought you should know.

My dad isn’t talking to me, but that’s nothing new.

* * *

From: William Magnusson  
To: Noora Amalie Sætre

_Unsent_

I still love you. Just thought you should know that too.


	2. Dear William

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Emails Noora wrote but never sent from Oslo.

_"They say when you are missing someone that they are probably feeling the same, but I don't think it's possible for you to miss me as much I'm missing you right now."_

-Edna St. Vincent Millay

* * *

 

From: Noora Amalie Sætre  
To: William Magnusson

_Unsent_

Dear William,

* * *

From: Noora Amalie Sætre  
To: William Magnusson

_Unsent_

Dear William,

I’m sorry

* * *

From: Noora Amalie Sætre  
To: William Magnusson

_Unsent_

Dear William,

I’m back in Oslo. But you’re smart enough to have figured that out by now.

I flew back this morning. I should have said something before I left. It’s just that I knew if I saw you, I wouldn’t go. And I think we both needed me to leave. At least for now.

* * *

From: Noora Amalie Sætre  
To: William Magnusson

_Unsent_

Dear William,

I’m so sorry

* * *

From: Noora Amalie Sætre  
To: William Magnusson

_Unsent_

Dear William,

You deserve an explanation. Other than our flat, emptied of all my things. It wasn’t like a—plan. It’s not like I was thinking _I’m going to leave him tomorrow_ when you climbed into bed at two a.m. last night, careful not to wake me, even though I never fell asleep.

Careful. You’re so careful with me now. We were never this careful around each other before.

I understand though.

* * *

From: Noora Amalie Sætre  
To: William Magnusson

_Unsent_

Dear William,

I’m sorry I couldn’t testify against Nikko. I’m sorry I left without saying goodbye. ~~I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m so sorry~~

* * *

From: Noora Amalie Sætre  
To: William Magnusson

_Unsent_

Dear William,

I should have asked you to come with me to Oslo to testify, but I didn’t want to put you through that. But I hate what the mention of Nikko does to your eyes and your knuckles, the way it hurts you.

I know you would have come if I’d asked.

I’m still not used to letting myself need people. And I wanted to do this on my own, without pulling you back to Norway and last spring with me.

* * *

From: Noora Amalie Sætre  
To: William Magnusson

_Unsent_

Dear William,

I know I should have written sooner. ~~Maybe you don’t mind that I haven’t though. Maybe you don’t need that from me.~~

Of course you mind. Of course you need that from me.

* * *

From: Noora Amalie Sætre  
To: William Magnusson

_Unsent_

Dear William,

You’re so loyal. You’d never leave me, even if you’d stopped loving me, not after convincing me to move all the way to London with you. Not after Nikko. You would just—work more and more, say less and less, touch me less and less, be less and less with me.

You’d never _say_ ,“I don’t love you anymore.”

* * *

From: Noora Amalie Sætre  
To: William Magnusson

_Unsent_

Dear William,

My parents were happier after I left. I hope you are too.

~~I hope you’re not, please miss me, please come after me~~

* * *

From: Noora Amalie Sætre  
To: William Magnusson

_Unsent_

Dear William, 

Am I horrible for hoping you’ll come after me? Hoping you’ll just appear and say, “I’m not giving up,” even though I’m the one who left?

Every knock at the door, every Porsche, every head of dark hair in a hoodie—they’re all you, before I blink again.

* * *

From: Noora Amalie Sætre  
To: William Magnusson

_Unsent_

Dear William,

Eskild keeps moving mistletoe around the flat. He would probably have tried to catch you underneath it, if you were here, if we'd never left.

Merry Christmas, William.

Love Noora

* * *

From: Noora Amalie Sætre  
To: William Magnusson

_Unsent_

Dear William,

The girls tried to convince me to kiss someone at the stroke of midnight, but they weren’t surprised when I wouldn’t. ~~Did you?~~

It’s an hour earlier in London, so I guess it’s not even midnight for you yet.

It’s not fair of me to ask, but

Don’t kiss anyone tonight, William, please.

* * *

From: Noora Amalie Sætre  
To: William Magnusson

_Unsent_

Happy birthday, William.

* * *

From: Noora Amalie Sætre  
To: William Magnusson

_Unsent_

Dear William,

I see Chris around sometimes with Eva. It’s always on the tip of my tongue and my muscles to pull them apart, and demand to know how you are. If you’re okay. What you think of me now.

But I don’t. ~~I don’t know that I can stand the answer~~

* * *

From: Noora Amalie Sætre  
To: William Magnusson

_Unsent_

~~Dear William,~~

I’m never going to send any of these, am I?

* * *

From: Noora Amalie Sætre  
To: William Magnusson

_Unsent_

Dear William,

None of my friends understand why I haven’t moved on. I lied to them, you know. I told them that I left because you were working too much, too caught up in your father’s opinion, too far away from me.

It wasn’t all a lie, but it wasn’t fair to you either. One more thing I’m sorry for.

* * *

From: Noora Amalie Sætre  
To: William Magnusson

_Unsent_

Dear Wiliam,

I’m not allowed to be angry if you have a new girlfriend. I should be happy for you, if you’ve moved on. If you’re happy.

I want you to be happy, William.

~~I kissed someone else tonight, I can’t stop brushing my teeth.~~

* * *

From: Noora Amalie Sætre  
To: William Magnusson

_Unsent_

I never sent that last email, so I don’t know why I’m writing this one but

Nothing is going to happen with the guy I kissed. It didn’t mean anything. He’s in love with Sana, and I’m

I’m still so in love with you

* * *

From: Noora Amalie Sætre  
To: William Magnusson

_Unsent_

Dear William,


End file.
